Too Much Self Esteem

As an art teacher in an elementary school I am expected to teach a complex curriculum while trying to keep my composure as a little smiling self satisfied Picasso hands me a piece of….art….that has absolutely nothing to do with the lesson at hand.  He is just bursting with self esteem from years of being told (by his mommy) that he is gifted and that everything he touches is the best and the cutest and gosh darn it….people just love you! 

As teachers we all know “that mother.”  The one who thinks that Lil’ Pookie poops roses?  That Mom needs to face facts and steer the child’s boat into Reality Cove before the dear child turns into a little monster!  I know it’s hard.  If mom “misses the boat” Lil’ Pookie assumes that minimal effort is required for everything and that everyone should think that he is the Little Prince and should wait on his every need accordingly.  Everything he touches is amazing.  If you don’t believe it just ask mummy-kins!  Back at Reality Cove, however, the work is messy, half finished and required five minutes of minimal effort and had absolutely nothing to do with the lesson I had just finished explaining in painstaking detail.  All positive and no negative feedback takes the fire out of their souls!  As a teacher I face these kids every day!  No, sweetie, that pile of mess is not “wonderful” and you did not follow the criteria stated just five minutes ago and here is your paper back….try this time!  Oh, and tigers don’t smile, trees aren’t lollypops, and there is no corner in the sky, so get the sun the hell out of there!  The sky is not always a strip of blue, the grass is not a zig-zag of green and your mama is not taller that that crappy triangle roofed, crooked chimney with the spiral of smoke coming out of it sorry excuse for a house you just drew…why are you cryin’ sissy boy, huh?   Too harsh?  Okay, I got carried away…

 I’m talking about your average American child raised in this century. Is it me or do kids today  (I swore I’d never say “kids today”) have way too much self esteem?  I’m one of those mean folks who think that, although positive reinforcement is a good thing when used properly, giving out trophies for just being on the team diminishes, hell, erases the true meaning of a trophy!  You should have to work hard, think hard, and use your reasoning skills, and even then some people just aren’t going to do well at everything they try. Not everybody gets a trophy. That’s why those annoying athletes get paid so much.  They have very special skills that bring in the big bucks and you and I don’t…waa-waa. That’s life in the bigs, baby and it’s never too soon to face reality. I do not have the legs of a supermodel, but like the little voice in my head said:  “Them’s the brakes, Princess, so get used to disappointment. You will never walk the runway and that time in NYC when the cops pulled you and your drunk ass friend out of the Macy’s window display does not count as modeling!”   

Success rarely just falls in your lap, and no matter what your mommy says you may simply suck at certain things.  We all do. We need to help our children understand that life is full of things at which they may not be very skilled, but hopefully we will instill in our children the coping skills to face facts and keep on plugging away until they find something they are good at and kick ass.  The secret is to let them decide instead of insisting on choosing for them.  Give them a ton of choices, lessons, team sports, and tutors until they decide on the one thing that they like and can actually do and BINGO!  They have found their inner Hershey Kiss!  Yum! Ain’t life sweet?  That’s how you become a successful, well-adjusted human being.  Yes, I said that out loud.