When teachers get to leave the prison….I mean “building” for lunch it is a very special day. On teacher “work days” when the students are off and we have to be at school we are down right giddy about going out for lunch! I mean you folks with regular jobs “on the outside” just don’t get it. We plan for days where we will go for lunch. No cafeteria food today! No wilted salads from home, no roaches in the ice tea, no sireee, not today…we are going OUT TO LUNCH! We are almost “doing lunch” but we are missing the rich husband, the pink and green wardrobe and the tennis racket in the Beeeeemer. Nope, we are going OUT to lunch!!! Weeeeee! The discussion and final decision of where we will go and with whom we will go is very detailed and often very stealth. I mean, it can get ugly. No one wants Mrs. “V” to go with them because she never shuts up and there is no way I’m going with Nancy because she is a vegetarian and I don’t want to watch her cringe as I order meat with a side of meat and cheese fries. “No, I am not going to a Chinese place! I hate Chinese food! I can order that from home and it is the only place that will deliver down in Sandbridge besides the pizza joints. Mexican? Naw, I will need a margarita and I can’t get fired now I have to pay for my lunch!” I mean, seriously! I usually want she-crab soup, because no matter how I try I can’t make it at home as good as I can buy out so I am not budging from that decision EVER! “Let’s go to Atlantic Avenue and get a seat with a view of the ocean and make fun of the tourists!” That sounds good to all of us locals, but several Navy wives “from away” don’t get why we find tourists so amusing. These wives are wearing skorts and Tevas and they don’t get what’s so funny about that either. I mean, they actually bought their poor unsuspecting husbands mandals! You know what mandals are, right? They are sandals….for men. Men wear flip-flops, not mandals….at least in my world, and no respectable beach local would be caught dead in a pair of mandals.
“I just got shot and I have minutes to live…honey, are you there?” The wife looks lovingly into her dying husband’s eyes:“Yes sweetheart, what can I do?” The husband turns to his wife and whispers….”Get these f*%^ing mandles off my feet before I get caught dead in them.”
What was I saying? Oh, lunch! Okay, well, we debate the location of our lunch for hours! E-mails, texts and walks down the hall take up the entire morning! We finally agree on a place where the vegans can get sprouts and the rest of us can get seafood! Crabmeat here I come! When we arrive at the restaurant and sit down we get rowdy and ponder the daily specials like it is part of the menu for the Last Supper and Jesus invited us personally. “Yes my children, I want Jane to sit on my right, move over Doubting Thomas, you can never maketh up your mind and Sue wants to sit by the window. Enjoy-eth the crab though it is a bottom dweller.” Thanks Jesus, we will. Remove your ID tags ladies. We don’t want to be identified just in case it gets ugly.
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