Nicey- Nice

 I’m sure it happens all over the country, but here in the south women feel the need to make nicey-nice.  Nicey-nice is when we, as women, feel the need to nurture everyone in sight.  We buy little gifts, cards, and bring in baked goods.  We also initiate “Secret Santa” gift  exchanges and plan baby showers for teachers we freakin’ hate! We give cards and bring in cake to celebrate birthdays and buy presents for people with whom we aren’t even remotely friends.  Guys do not do this!

We had a part time female guidance counselor who insisted on trying to have us all share our “feelings” in a positive way.  One of my best friends happened to be the full time guidance counselor and she knew that we were going to eat this chick alive.  Secretly I think she enjoyed watching it happen.  The part time person was and still is a self-promoting prima donna.  Nobody could even come close to her magic ability to counsel and “help” both students and faculty and I’m sure she wondered how we had gotten through the day before she came along to save us from despair.  She, in her efforts to make us better people, created a  (I am not making this up “Sunshine Board” using a dry erase board that she decorated with a huge artificial sunflower in the upper right hand corner…placed “just so.”  She put a flower embellished marker on a string and attached it to the board and hung it in the women’s (not the men’s, ‘cause we make nicey-nice) restroom.   Placing it in a concealed location was her fatal mistake. We were encouraged to write “positive messages” and she herself wrote a daily affirmation on the board to greet us every morning.  I took it upon myself to answer her daily affirmations with my sense of fun and…oh who am I kidding?  You know what I did.  Every time some Polly-Anna wrote some saccharin sweet “happy” message my friends and I would compete to see who could run in there and answer it first.  I think some people thought I had a bladder problem.  I spent every free minute in the restroom just writin’.  Pretty soon the morning affirmations began to turn into daily chastisements to “whoever the rude person is who is ruining everyone’s fun.”  It was awesome!  Pretty soon she began to hide the marker, but hey, I’m an art teacher!  I have a ton of markers!  She was such an amateur! She actually stomped her foot at the faculty meeting and kept glaring at me as she yelled at “us” for ruining what she thought would be a “nice way to start the day.”  She swore she would catch the person who was responsible! Woo-Hoo! That only fueled my fire!  She didn’t know me at all.  Oh yeah?  Catch me?  Ha! After a while folks started leaving me gifts and ideas for new comments.  I became a rock star! The glaring dirty looks I received from Miss Part Time Guidance weren’t intimidating, they just gave me ammunition!  The teachers, however just didn’t get it!  In my effort to stop the mindless spreading of “nicey-nice” manure, I became the recipient of it and worse yet, my comments started to make everyone else have a good day.  Holy crap!  I was making nicey-nice! What had I done? But seriously, my efforts to squelch the artifice of the Sunshine Board seemed to help almost everyone realize that fun and camaraderie need to come naturally and without artifice.  Friendships can’t be forced.  Everyone should be courteous to his or her coworkers, but we don’t need someone to tell us how to do it. Always remember, you’re good enough, and smart enough….you know the rest. Have a sunshiny day!