Teachers Are No Fun

There are teachers who refuse to call anything at school “fun.”

We all know at least one of these miserable souls.  They don’t have the intellect to incorporate a sense of humor into an educational setting because that would require using both sides of their brains and they haven’t shaken the cobwebs outta the creative side since they co-chaired the spirit committee in their all white school freshman year…1958.  You know them.  They greet their class on day one with a sour smirk and begin the class with a boring lecture on how they are “in charge” and that chewing gum is a mortal sin.  I just don’t understand the gum thing.  I love gum.  Is it the “sticking it to the desk” fear? Do we really love our faux wood laminated desks with the corners chipped off to the point of restricting a food group?  Yes, gum is a food group…in my world…gum, jelly bellies, and fruit chews are a food group.  It’s in the middle of the food pyramid between bread and pork rinds. Who the hell invented pork rinds?  In this age of health awareness we ban ganga but we allow pork rinds and grape soda?  Really?  I guess, now that I think about it that if we “legalized it” we would have a greater need for pork rinds and grape soda….but I digress….Where was I?  Oh yeah, gum… Trust me, gum is the least of your worries.  Those nose pickin’, hair twistin’, crotch itchin’ kids need gum to keep their nervous habits in check, otherwise those desks are petrie dishes! Let ‘em chew gum!  Here, take my gum! Chew away kiddies!  Maybe it will keep you fingers out of every other orifice.  Hand sanitizer anyone? At our school one of my lil’ darlings decided it was called “hanitizer” and that is what we all call it now.  “Ms. S, can I get me some hanitizer?”  Yes sweetie you can get you some.  I teach in the south, can ya tell?  AWE! Oh shut up, you know you were thinkin’ it.