Don’t you hate it when you get a cut or color you aren’t very happy with and you just mention it to someone and everyone in earshot wants you to try “their person?” This is a very challenging situation for me because I have a hard time not expressing my opinion...shut up Miriam...
I was making a rare visit to the teacher’s lounge (AKA Shark Tank) a few weeks ago and was discussing with two friends of mine the slight color issue I was having with my hair. I love my hair. I was not blessed with long legs or a fast metabolism, but I have good hair. It’s thick, full of body, and I put blond streaks where nature put them many years ago. I hate it when it isn’t perfect. Okay, I admit it. I was whining about my hair. As I was whining to my friends, in walked a very….how can I phrase this to spare feelings…ugly as hell substitute teacher. Hey, she’ll never know who I am talking about and she is also one of the most arrogant and annoying people I have ever met which directly influences how I interpret her “look.” Anyway, this person was looking at me with my blond(ish) hair telling me how amazing her hair person was and how she loved her color, blah, blah, blah. Okay, neon blue eyeshadow aside....sharpie marker eyebrows aside... okay, ya just can’t put those two style killers aside...and her hair was hideous. This put me in an awkward position. I have yet to have anyone with good hair recommend a stylist. It’s always the hideous ones whose hairstyle is stuck in a decade best left behind.
This chick had long, dull jet black, frizzy, out of style, no haircut hair. I could not believe it. Where did she see a connection? The woman was a goth version of …well, her former self. There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving the goth look. I’m trying to sound charitable ‘cause no one over the age of 16 should try to rock that look. It’s over, you are not a vampire, you will never be a vampire. Edward is not looking for you. Why in hell would I want to use your goth hair person? I am a bit on the preppie slightly hippie side (I know that makes no sense just go with it okay?) when it comes to fashion. I have never worn skull earrings. I do not, nor does any Western European woman, look good with jet black…I’m talking bad shoe polish black, hair. The lucky few who can pull off that look are blessed with the olive skin to go with it, but their natural black hair color has some shine to it! They probably don’t dye it with shoe polish or kool-aid!
Which brings me to my next issue, Kool-Aid hair. If you buy your beauty products on the soft drink aisle a buzzer should go off in your head. I don’t buy my groceries at the hair salon. That’s all I’m saying about that.
It’s the same thing when I mention I’m looking for a good dentist. The other day I mentioned that I was looking for a good dentist and a bystander with jacked up yellow teeth proceeded to tell me how she loves her dentist! Christ! What do they expect a person to say at that point? What the hell was Dr Helen Keller using as anesthesia, LSD? I mean seriously how do I keep a poker face when I feel my eyes bugging out like a bad cartoon trying not to stare at those nasty choppers? Maybe I need to recommend a good Optometrist? Why would I go to that dentist and how does that quack stay in business? Here are your fillings and I’m just going to ignore the fact that your teeth look like an ear of Indian corn and your incisors stick out sideways like an English bulldog! Yuck!
I am definitely far from perfect but I know when my hair is bad and when my teeth are jacked up. I also notice when my pants are too tight, when my feet stick out over the edge of my shoes and when my underwear is up my ass. How can those people not feel a wedgie? Thongs aside I simply cannot tolerate anything up my ass...interpret that as you see fit...
Some folks just don’t see simple daily maintenance such as hair and dental care as top priority but I do...yes mom I am the Princess and The Pea and it’s all your fault for keeping me clean, washed, wiped, brushed and impeccably dressed my entire life...and I thank you!
2 comments:
Way to go Jane!! Love this one! It's better than your last, which was good too.
Jane, love it!!!! I must say, as a hairstylist, sometimes you must do what your client wants. Maybe its goth hair to match the 1984 blue eyeshadow or in my case a mullet. I have a woman who LOVES how Icut her mullet!! I dont like to cut mullets but it makes her happy and she keeps coming back so.... I will continue to follow your blog, you got the right idea:)
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