Nice Rack Fido

  My dear friend Miriam just wrote on her FB page that her dog is recovering from a mastectomy.  Really? Your DOG had a mastectomy….and it cost one thousand dollars….people dollars, not dog dollars?  Who the hell does that?  Okay dog lovers I do not want any mail from you. AWE!  Yes, awe is right.  I’m sorry! I love my dog Marley.  We named her Marley ten years before the movie came out and yes she is just as wacko as the lab in the movie. We named her Marley because on the way home from our three hour trip to Mechanicsville to “adopt” her from a breeder she calmed down and fell asleep in a beach towel in my daughter’s lap when we played Bob for her. . Her favorite song is “Three Little Birds.” She licks people non-stop and yes she jumps and knocks people down and yes she actually ate a sofa….a leather sofa from the eighties…and a chair. Okay she also ate a coffee table and two end tables.  Through all of the chewing, jumping, and licking we still loved and kept Marley because she was and still is our dog….but A THOUSAND DOLLAR MASTECTOMY?   I love my Marley….but a THOUSAND DOLLARS for a doggie mastectomy?  I had to say that twice because I am implying to you without actually saying it that a twelve year old dog has lived a long life and….Dr Kevorkian anyone?  AWE! I have questions about this “procedure” that must be answered. Did they take fat from her abdomen to reconstruct her little doggie booby?  How many ta-tas does a dog have anyway?  Would they miss one if it were gone?  Would the other dogs make fun of her missing booby, teat…nipple….what do you call a dog tittie?  I would have to think long and hard about that one.  My first question to Miriam is; how did you know your dog had breast cancer?  Don’t tell me you take her for a yearly mammogram.  How does she hold still long enough for the tech to smash her tiny booby into the machine?  Does the dog now wear a pink collar?  Yes, I am making cancer jokes, and yes my friends and family members who could take exception to that are laughing their breast cancer-surviving warrior in pink asses off at this.  A doggie mastectomy….hey wait a minute Miriam, isn’t your dog a male?