Big D is one of those guys who just oozes masculinity...wait, that sounded gross, what I mean is that no one would ever mistake him for a woman. He is big (hence the nickname) and he is all man....except for one thing...he is deathly afraid of snakes and he is not afraid to admit it. Just like Indiana Jones, minus the hat and the Phd, he hates snakes. Well, if ya hate snakes you need to stay out of Carova in the springtime. Spring is when the cotton mouths come out to mate. You can tell if mating snakes are around by the feint sound of Barry White on their teenie tiny I-Pods because they have trouble keeping the ear buds in...because they don't have ears...but this is not a science lesson it is a safety lesson so back to the subject at hand, people!
Big D was at the dock unloading the skiff. The shoreline, where we dock our boat, is covered in weeds and the canal is full of water moccasins who become very aggressive during mating season. Big D was walking to his truck with a load of groceries when he spotted a snake heading toward him from the other side of the truck. Forgetting that he did not possess super powers, Big D threw the bags into the back of the truck and leaped into the air in an attempt to land on the tailgate. Well, the truck is lifted and D isn't as agile as he used to be so he jumped up, came straight back down, and his size 13 Redwing boot landed on the snake's head. There he was, standing on a pissed off extremely poisonous snake's head as the rest of the body was writhing around like an out of control fire hose. You've heard about being between a rock and a hard place? Having a tiger by the tail? Big D was trapped. He attempted to grind his boot into the head of the snake but the ground was made of sand and the snake was still very much alive...and looking for revenge. D yelled for help, he scanned the area but he was all alone...with an angry snake just hoping D would move his boot. The shovel in the truck was out of reach and D seemed to be out of luck.
After a few minutes of indecision, D decided to make his move. he lunged off the snake and ran to the driver's side door and scrambled into the truck. He was waiting for the snake to appear but there was no sign of the snake, so D turned the key to start the truck and...no lie I swear this is true...the battery was dead! The only way to jump it was to get the boat battery charger out of the boat. D decided that this just wasn't his day. His cell phone wasn't getting service and the truck battery needed jumping and, oh yeah, there was a pissed off snake under his truck. I bet that snake was under there disconnecting cables and laughing like snakes do...
Okay, I won't keep you in suspense any longer..after an hour of waiting and a much needed nap in the cab of the F150 (only Big D could nap at a time like that) he eased out of the truck, didn't see the snake, jumped his truck and drove home with a great story to tell. I wonder if that snake had to explain to his woman why he was late and how he got that dent in his head?
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