mail carrier...whah???

I was sitting in my car outside of the local gym waiting for my daughter to finish teaching her yoga class so we could go out to lunch.  What? Yeah, I was sitting on my fat ass in an air conditioned SUV, checking Facebook on my iphone, planning which carb-fest I was in the mood to scarf up while watching hot, sweaty, skinny bitches walk out of the gym with their matching workout wear and their designer water bottles (we all know that Fiji water tastes exactly the same as the stuff that flows outta your faucet) They looked at me with with disdain as they smugly got into their vehicles and drove home to fix a healthy vegan lunch...which they planned to immediately throw up in their newly redecorated bathrooms...but I digress...
My daughter teaches yoga and is very dedicated, which explains why I had been sitting there waiting for her for twenty five minutes while she talked to her students after class. I hate waiting...for anything!  I am one of the most impatient people I know and I am the first to admit it...which makes the fact that my daughter teaches yoga even more ironic.  I have no patience and a short attention span, but fortunately I am easily entertained.  I was pretending to text while I was watching these perfect people exit the gym when I noticed a mail truck idling near the entrance.  All of a sudden, a tall black young woman burst through the doors of  the tanning salon next door and into the hot steamy parking lot.  I immediately thought, what the hell was she doing in that fake and bake palace?  That's not racist it's just good common sense!  She was wearing skin tight (I'm talking, how the hell did you even pull those up?) jean shorts that came to her knees.  She was also into multiple accessories.  You've seen these fashionistas...if one belt is good then two skinny belts with metallic sparkle is even better!  Why wear one tank top when you can wear three?  So what if it's 95 degrees outside?  The designers saw this chick coming!  "We'll convince the ladies that "layering" is the way to go!  They'll buy ten tank tops instead of three! Hey, we convinced them to pay for water, didn't we?"  Anyway, Miss Multiple Accessories was also wearing three earrings in each ear, many gold necklaces, and rings, rings, rings!  She was also wearing a pair of black Chuck Taylors with no socks and a blue plastic glove on her right hand.  Whah? Had she been giving the folks at the tanning salon prostate exams?
 I know you are wondering why I was so captivated by this lover of tight, tight clothing and multiple accessories?  Because she WAS DRIVING THE MAIL TRUCK!!!   WHAH????  My mail carrier wears a pair of ugly postal issue blue walking shorts with a stripe down the side.  I need to tell her that she can wear whatever she wants!  Miss Thing stepped into the mail truck and with her ungloved hand, picked up her Big Gulp and took a long swig...and then drove off...Yes Virginia, there is a postal diva and she delivers to the south end!  I think I need to accessorize my mailbox!