Monday, August 15, 2011

Is it a hoard or pick?

There is a fine line between a good pick and an ungodly hoard. "Pickers" is a show about two guys who drive across America and try to con old guys with huge barns full of crap into selling them the valuable stuff so they can sell it for double the price to other pickers...does that make sense to you or am I the only one who finds that redundant?

 I am obsessed with "Pickers" and "Hoarders" and I can't look away. I am the type of sicko who gets excited every time they find a flat dead cat on Hoarders.  Wouldn't that make an awesome drinking game?  "Dead cat!  Drink!"  I know...awwwwwe..oh stop.  You know you love it when the dudes in the haz-mat suits pull a dead cat out from under a pile of old newspaper, magazines, Burger King wrappers, and a fur covered sofa, oh wait that's the homeowner...!  "Dead cat boys!  Bring me another Hefty bag!"  Holy Christ!  How do these people stand it?  I know, they have a sickness....they are crazy as bedbugs...BECAUSE THEY HAVE A HOUSE FULL OF DEAD CATS!  WTF?  Multiple cats are bad enough, but how can they sit in a house full of stinking, barking dogs?  I only have one dog and even she gets annoying...she's always on the wrong side of the door...she's in...she wants out....she's out....she wants it.  I guess when you have 56 dogs you just get so tired of getting up during "All My Children" that you just finally let them poop up the place?  I saw an episode of Hoarders where the guy was hoarding rabbits...yes, bunnies.  They were all in the walls, under the foundation and everything!  As soon as they cleared the house they kept finding random rabbits running across the hall...which kinda looked like an episode of "Ghost Adventures" my other obsession.  "I have on my electromagnetic voice regulator and...Whoa!  Did you see that rabbit?"  Yes, we all saw that rabbit you idiot, wrong show! The haunted area is down the street in the old abandoned hospital!

What's with the boxes? It always fascinates me that these hoarders have random cardboard boxes laying around as if they thought...well...today I might just box up some...naaahhhhh, I need a nap!

 I think they should just call the guys from "Pickers" and make one big show called "Pick That Hoard!" It would be awesome!  "Hey Gertrude, ya, how much do you want for these moldy antique pizza delivery boxes from 1976?"  "Well I don't know if I wanna let them go.  I have great memories of that pepperoni..."  "Would ya take $5.00?"  SOLD!  They would back up that white van and have a heyday! But then...who would they sell the pizza box to?? HOARDERS! And that my children is the cycle of life....

No comments: